No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
