it's not cheating when I paid for it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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