So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
