I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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