you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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