Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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