So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
