I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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