Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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