Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
