apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
