So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
