So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
