Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
