just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This house was built for laser tag.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
