i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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