I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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