I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
