It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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