She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
