Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
