are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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