mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
