cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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