just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
