can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
