I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
