i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
