I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
