She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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