She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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