a queef is a wish your heart makes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
