D3 body, D1 cock
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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