I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
