dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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