You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
