Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
