You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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