Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
