He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
