I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
