my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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