I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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