first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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