Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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