you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
