Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
