Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
