I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
