I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
