I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
