so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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