There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
