I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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