I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
