Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
