i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
