The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
