So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
