I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize