Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
