I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
