This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
