Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We are all done wearing pants today
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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