My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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