My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
