Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
