She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
