I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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