Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
