I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
