i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
