I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
