I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
